Half Pigeon Pose: Removing the Armor

In this pose, we offer students the sensation of staying in a hip opener. Like all poses, the physical posture is a gateway.

Half Pigeon is a gateway to being open to what we feel, being open to embodied experience, being open as a way to walk through the world. To open means to take off our protective armor. And removing that armor takes courage. Yoga is what gives me that courage.

I’ve been thinking a lot about what my armor is, and what it is protecting me from. It turns out that I have an entire armory of my own. Like all good armor, it is a shiny me-size outer layer. It deflects attention outward, hiding my inner identity and protecting me in my encounters.

It’s fascinating in itself. But it hides what it protects.

One piece of armor I put on: overpreparation. I find myself prepping for all of my encounters. Conversations, classes, gatherings, online, offline. Not just brushing up on the facts or doing my homework. Rather, preparing my words and my demeanor so that I won’t be caught off guard, potentially looking or sounding foolish. I worry: what if I can’t be as clear with my word choice as I had hoped? What if I falter in my speech? What if I’m misunderstood, or mocked? For this, I am my own guard, protecting the inner me, the younger me, the vulnerable me from feeling embarrassment and humiliation.

I’m sure we all do this to some extent, but this armor keeps me from showing up big. Showing up big means showing up open, curious, ready to shine out, ready to connect. When I’m closed off, it’s because I’m trying to control my impression on others. I get caught up in how I will be received and how I will feel when I’m received negatively. The attempt to control what I cannot, combined with too keen an interest in what others will think, creates profoundly uncomfortable feelings. I am drawn to people who hold your gaze, who think on their feet, who speak from the heart, who emote openly. And I become that person when I finish a yoga practice.

Another piece of armor: excess body weight. A literal fat suit that I wear at times, it protects me from being too much in the crosshairs of someone else’s attention, someone else’s desire. This is one of the trickiest pieces in my armory because it seems to make me more visible but actually it makes me less so. Plenty of people shine out in spite or or because of excess weight. I, however, do not. I use it to deflect attention away from myself toward others. There are many other ways that deflective move shows up in my life. And it hides my light.

After a yoga practice, however, I don’t want to hide. I want to be seen. Fully. I open to my true nature, seen, and heard, and in connection with my people.